The work of therapy can bring up strong feelings inside us of wanting to be cared for, wanting to be rescued, and wanting all the trauma and all our ‘parts’ to go away. It can be a very confusing time. As a dissociative survivor, I realised that there are things that I want people to say to me, and then there are things that would be more helpful for them to say to enable me in the long-term to recover.

Things I want people to say to me Things it is more helpful for people to say to me
I will look after you and make sure no-one ever hurts you again. Look around. Is there anybody hurting you in the here and now? If there is, how can I support you to change the situation for yourself?
Yes, you are making the whole thing up and you are sick or mad for claiming such awful things happen, or for overreacting in the present because of feeling sad or angry when there is nothing to be sad or angry about at all. I believe that even if we can’t know exactly what happened to you, we can know that some awful things did happen to make you feel so bad. I am really sorry they happened. I wish they hadn’t happened to you. It was wrong that nobody was there to help you at the time. There should have been someone to protect you and to help you with those feelings. Well done for feeling exactly the right thing to feel about the things that happened. It is safe now to feel like that and there is someone here who cares that you do. I will do my best to help you work out safe ways to express the feelings you have about what happened.
I will help you to get rid of the feelings that inappropriately invade you because they are bad and wrong and will destroy everything. I can help you to learn skills to stop having them. I can help you make the other parts of you, who feel things, disappear. All of your feelings are right and valid and welcome here, and I accept them. I want to share the burden of carrying them. I will try to help you learn how to face them and express them so that they don’t destroy anything or hurt you so badly. We will make space and time to do this and that means that having them won’t be so out of control.
I am here for you at any time you want me to be and will drop everything to help you so that you never feel alone and abandoned because I understand that you need me. I will be here and fully available to help you to do this work at certain pre-arranged times and at others in agreed circumstances. You are an adult and have self-management skills and the world is generally a non-threatening place now, so you probably don’t need me, or anyone else, to be there all the time. I would like to be there for you to help you deal with the effects of your past, and to support you, because I want to. That’s why I have committed to [whatever is agreed]. But I have a separate life and neither of us owns the other. It is okay to believe that I will do what I say I will do, because I have decided what I am capable of giving and will stick to that. I will be responsible for looking after myself.